


NVY 329:  A Strategic Approach on How to Annoy Your Dinosaur Co-Worker

by Sargentpepper23



Series: Justice, Morality, and Revenge [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Bickering, Corruption, F/M, Humor, Mild Sexual Content, Sarcasm, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sargentpepper23/pseuds/Sargentpepper23
Summary: “Your reports,” Charlotte said oh so sweetly.  As if her honeyed words disguised the fact that many compare her to a man-eating tiger.“About time,” he grumbled, as he had every other time she’d been here.Or in other news,Nox is sick and tired of having to track down his intelligence officer, Charlotte's imagination takes a wrong turn, and both of them have a sick sense of humor.
Series: Justice, Morality, and Revenge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028793
Kudos: 2





	NVY 329:  A Strategic Approach on How to Annoy Your Dinosaur Co-Worker

_Pero-pero-pero-pero, pero-pero-per-Ca-chak_

“Intelligence, Charlotte speaking,” the woman said distractedly into the receiver.

“A beautiful man is looking for you,” Kiki purred into the line. 

Charlotte snorted and continued fiddling with the tabs of the report in front of her. The only beautiful man she knows is a total pain in the ass. “Tell Nox I’m busy working on the paperwork _he_ asked for.”

“Hmmm, I did, but he wanted _more_. He wants to know where you _are,_ ” Kiki said in that same husky tone.

Charlotte narrowed her eyes at the snail, “And, did you tell him”? 

The snail's sultry look bloomed into a cheeky grin, "Girl, please. You showed me that hidey-hole in confidence. No man, as edible as he may be, is going to get me talking about it.”

Charlotte breathed out a sigh of relief. She knows Kiki is a ride or die type of friend, but the thought of people coming down here, disturbing the peace and quiet, the anonymity the room offered…

Her gut twisted. 

“Thanks, Kiki,” she said softly, “I’ll call him now.”

“Mmmm, you know,” oh fuck, there she goes with that sex-operator voice again, “if he’s going to make demands this often, you should start charging him. All his hounding would be worth it if he’s eating you out on a desk every afterno—”

“Bye, Kiki,” _Click_!

Setting the snail back in its designated corner, Charlotte took a long pull from what had to be her fifth cup of sugary goodness today. Her bladder pulsed in protest, but that was a problem for later. 

Four days. It had been four days of demanding phone calls and pop-in visits from Nox. Of him tracking her down all over the sprawling complex like a goddamn bloodhound when she didn’t answer her snail fast enough. 

He was driving her absolutely crazy, and not in a good way. 

She shifted in her seat. Damn Kiki and her sex-addled brain. It was ridiculous, the thought of bargaining sexual favors with Nox, but she could imagine it. She’d have to be careful with her heels, wouldn’t want to rip the white fabric of his jacket when he threw her legs over his shoulders. The golden tassels on his uniform would graze the backs of her thighs, and her hand would be in his dark hair, dragging him forward as he licked long stripes—“

Charlotte pressed her forehead against the cool desk and groaned. She needed to get laid, bad. 

Finding someone wouldn’t be difficult. Come to think of it, that hot artillery specialist down in the armory is always a good ride. Maybe she’d pay him a visit, see what—

Her musings were disturbed when her bag buzzed against the desk. The sound was small, almost non-existent, and between the flipping of her notes and the scratch of pen on paper, she’d barely heard it the last three hours. 

Her bag buzzed again, followed by a tiny, muffled chirp, and she sighed. Picking herself up off the ornate desk to dig through the seemingly bottomless bag, her fingers eventually grazed soft fabric, and she pulled out a wadded up sweater. She felt bad for putting the poor invertebrate through this, really, but Nox is _persistent_. 

Carefully unraveling the snail from its prison, she answered the call, “This is Char—“

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET AHOLD OF YOU FOR THE PAST THREE HOURS”!

“My day has been lovely, thanks for asking, Commodore.”

If it were possible, the snail would have been foaming at the mouth, “I DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW YOUR DAY HAS BEEN. WHERE. ARE. YOU”?

She ignored him. “Are you in your office? I have a couple of files to drop off,” she said without missing a beat, eyeballing her manicured, maroon nails. Hmmm, one of her pinky nails is longer than the other. She’d have to fix that. 

The snail growled, _growled_ , before Nox’s low voice ground out, “Yes, I’m in my office.”

She smirked, and the snail snarled at her expression. “Alright. I’ll be there in,” she looked at her watch, “twenty minutes.”

“Twenty minutes? What the fuck! If you don’t tell me where you are right now, I’m—“

_Click!_

Charlotte stared at the slumbering snail in contemplation. It probably wasn’t a good idea to piss off the zoan user. Yeah, you read that right. Fifteen minutes' worth of snooping through Nox’s file all those months ago had revealed he had eaten the Dragon-Dragon fruit, model: Utahraptor. She had never seen him fully transform, but she’d seen what his long, slashing claws and sharp teeth could do.

Guess her haki is right to always warn her when she storms into his office. There is a monster behind the door. 

The snail was visibly drooping now, and Charlotte made a mental note to berate Nox for his excessive calling habits later. Careful of the poor thing’s eyes, she gingerly wrapped the invertebrate back up in the sweater and slid it into her bag, along with a few of the latest reports in front of her. The others would remain here, under lock and anonymity. No one ever ventured this far down, and if they did, they surely wouldn’t stop here. 

Satisfied she had everything, Charlotte pushed away from the ornate, mahogany desk with a stretch, enjoying the pop of her spine, the slight burn in her calves, and the way her toes sunk into the plush, midnight blue carpet underfoot. God, If only her other office was like this. 

She looked up then, at the painted mural on the tray ceiling. The blue-black background was speckled with white, yellow, orange, and red flecks of stars and planets and swirled galaxies far away. Though entrancing, the painting’s true beauty lay in the constellations. Thin, white lines connected the clusters of stars, but behind and above each constellation, in gleaming silver lines, were beautifully rendered imaginations of their legends. Of Simo, the Sea King who swallowed an island whole, and Lerner, the Fisherman who clings to its tail, desperate to make it his next meal. There’s the Ax, wielded by its neighbor, the Giant, who wrought the x-shaped scar, the one that gives entrance to the Grand Line, centuries ago. And who could forget Aella, the Avenger, her daggers slashing in a whirlwind against those who would dare challenge her. 

Charlotte eyed Aella’s constellation. The woman’s lips were pulled back in a snarl, and her braided hair flew behind her as she hurled a dagger across the cosmos at Alcinder, the Conqueror. 

She’d always liked Aella’s story, of the woman who fought tooth and nail against those who wronged her and her people. Who defends the weak, goes toe-to-toe, and blade for blade with the wicked, winged warrior of legend. 

Charlotte followed the dagger’s path. Alcinder’s round shield was raised, his helmet drawn low over his eyes, but his wings, God, they were breathtaking. Flared behind him in a display of strength and dominance, the artist had painted his feathers a vivid scarlet at the center, only to gradually shift to a shimmering gold at the edges, as if he were bleeding from the inside out. 

Over the years, many people had fantasized the idea of the two immortals falling in love, of Alcinder chipping away at Aella’s defenses and winning her heart after a millennium of fighting. That Aella, try as she might, is destined to be his final conquest.

Charlotte has no time for that bullshit. One, people forge their destinies through their own power and relationships. So, if Aella wants no part with the Conqueror, she’d continue kicking his ass across the heavens.

Second, Charlotte needed a bathroom _right now_. 

Slipping on her tall pumps, she grabbed her stuff and locked the non-descriptive door behind her before hurrying down the dark and dusty hallway to the elevator. She had told Nox twenty minutes, but in reality, it took less than ten to get upstairs and over to his office. 

The elevator ride dragged, but once the squeaky door opened, she made a straight shot to the public restroom nearby.

No longer in danger of peeing her pencil skirt, Charlotte took the time to touch up her makeup before the mirror. After some primping and a final swipe of lip-gloss, she studied herself. 

High cheekbones dusted with a smattering of freckles, her bronze eye shadow complemented nicely with her brown eyes and sun-kissed tan. Tilting her head for a better angle of light, she pursed her full lips. The gloss was applied flawlessly, as usual, and she ran a few fingers through her straight, wine-red hair to give it some volume. She looked good, really good, but she was going into battle. She would look nothing but her best.

Satisfied, she smoothed out a non-existent wrinkle on her form-fitting white button-down and smirked at her reflection as she walked out of the bathroom, crumpling her used paper towel in her hand…

Only to shriek when Nox cleared his throat from beside the doorway. 

Charlotte acted rationally. She did. At least, that's what she told herself when she threw her wadded-up paper towel at his face. 

“WHAT THE FUCK, NOX”?

He glared down at her but didn't move from his lounged position against the wall. 

“DO YOU HAVE _ANY_ CONCEPT OF BOUNDARIES OR DO YOU FIND PLEASURE IN HANGING OUTSIDE OF THE WOMEN’S RESTROOM LIKE A FUCKING CREEP”?

His brows furrowed, and he pushed himself up off the wall. “Trust me, I only resort to this when insubordinate redheads refuse to answer their snails.”

What was that sound? Oh, it was her, breathing like a dragon. “HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND ME,” she snarled. There were other questions she could have asked, but this one she _needed_ to know. If he had planted a bug on her and discovered her home away from home…

Nox tapped his nose, “You smell.”

 _… Excuse me?_ She doesn’t _smell_! She spends too much money on her perfume and lotion for that!

“I don’t smell! And even if I did, I know I smell better than you,” she hissed. 

Nox eyeballed her as if she was the one talking crazy. 

She wanted to scream. He is _impossible_. 

Instead, she turned on her heel to storm in the direction of his office. He followed behind with a snort and caught up with her much too quickly for her liking. “Where are my reports,” he demanded. 

_Up your ass._ “In my bag.”

They rounded the corner, their respective shoes clicking in sync against the tile, “Have you heard back from Fallwroth base yet”?

Her heels clicked faster, as did his boots. Hmmm, guess they’re racing. “An officer called me this morning. He said he would get back to me with the information no later than tonight.”

Nox clicked his tongue and nearly bit it off when Charlotte unexpectedly veered in front of him, driving him into a nearby drinking fountain. She did _not_ snicker when he swore loudly behind her. A few seconds later, he was back by her side, straightening his jacket and glaring her down, “Did you tell him we need the information now,” he growled as he swerved in front of her, forcing her into a group of wide-eyed recruits.

She ground out an apology to the blushing boys before speed-walking back up beside the smirking commodore. “I reminded him that time is a factor, yes.”

They were approaching another turn. This would not end well. 

“And? Tonight is the earliest he can get back to you,” he asked in disbelief, edging closer to her side.

“I don’t know his life. For all I know, he could have ten other reports due today. Besides," her heels came to a stop, and she sidestepped Nox’s attempt to shoulder her into the wall as they rounded the corner, “as long as he gathers everything, I’m good.”

Nox pursed his lips, and she smirked. Too bad for him, she grew up surrounded by boys. She knows their tricks.

The pair had switched spots, and with Nox’s tall frame out of the way, Charlotte could finally enjoy the warmth of the afternoon sun streaming through the tall windows. He, along with the other lucky ducks that worked down here, traversed the sun-filled, indoor walkway to Command Center every day. 

"You'll still need to look it over, though, right," he asked, speeding up to walk slightly in front of her, "How long will it take you to add your notes”?

Not one to be outdone, she picked up her pace, which was pretty impressive given her five-inch pumps, "Depends on how much he sends over, but I would say no later than tomorrow night."

Room 224 was right there, and Charlotte was loath to let Nox win their silent race. Before he had the chance, she stuck her hand in front of his and ripped the door open, nearly running over her foot in the process. He clicked his tongue but followed her down the center aisle dividing the sea of desks, “That wasn’t very polite,” he said loudly, drawing the entire room’s attention.

Unfazed, Charlotte tossed her hair over her shoulder and walked towards the glass bound office situated in the back. Just to grind Nox’s gears, even more, she ignored his pissed growl in favor of waving at Audra. The lieutenant shot them both a look of exasperation before fiddling with the bounties tacked to the all-encompassing whiteboard blanketing the front wall. 

This time, it was Nox who reached the door first, and his golden eyes seared into her as he held the glass door open. She shot him an equally fierce glare back but nodded her head at the appreciative gesture. Who knew there was a gentleman underneath that rumpled shirt of his. 

Settling herself into the unbalanced chair shoved in front of his desk, she was surprised to find the workspace tidy and devoid of the chaotic, paper explosion that had been here yesterday. She could actually see a mat, large and rectangular, centered over the dark wood, and a few of her files were stacked neatly off to the side. The rest of his office was tidy and other than his rolling chair and overstuffed bookcase, the room was empty.

The door shut with an ominous _click_ , and Nox braced both palms on the wood as he sat, tense and ready for battle.

Charlotte, equally ready, slapped the reports down between his hands. The past four days had been nothing short of a battle of wills, and my God, she was not raised a loser or quitter. 

Much to her silent delight, neither was Nox. It had been a while since someone had challenged her.

“Your reports,” Charlotte said oh so sweetly. As if her honeyed words disguised the fact that many compare her to a man-eating tiger.

“About time,” he grumbled, as he had every other time she’d been here. 

“If you didn’t bother me all day long, I would have been done faster.”

“If you bothered to learn how to multi-task, we wouldn’t be in this position.”

“Says the man who can’t answer his snail while reading.”

“Says the woman who shushes me when writing a sentence”! 

They glared at one another, but none-the-less, Nox continued their routine by flipping open a report with a dramatic slap. “What are these reports" he snapped.

“The last four incidents the Kid Pirates have been linked to. They’ve been busy the past few days.”

He hummed in acknowledgment but didn’t speak, already scanning the first report’s findings.

Charlotte balanced her chair with a well-placed heel. He wouldn’t be long.

Nox wasn’t long, and when he flipped open the last report, Charlotte silently admitted that she enjoyed this side of Nox. As in, the man actually took the time to read through the information before making assumptions.

“You left a few areas blank,” he noted, though, not accusingly.

“The pirates built that display less than three days ago,” she proffered, “The officers are still trying to piece everything together.”

Nox’s lip twitched as he turned the page. “Was that a joke,” he asked, idly sifting through the attached pile of graphic photos.

“Depends. Have you developed a sense of humor”?

His lip quirked upward, and he handed her a photo. She’d already seen it, and while it wasn’t the most gruesome of the bunch, it captured the event perfectly. 

There was a pirate ship, a dilapidated, cannonball riddled hunk of wood and metal, suspended by its anchor nearly four hundred feet above the water. The tail-feathers of the ship's proud peacock figurehead were noticeably missing and had been replaced with body parts of what was most likely the ship’s crew. 

It is disgusting, _wrong_ , and Charlotte knew it wasn’t funny... But the splay of the victim’s fingers and toes added texture to the “fan” the pirates had so obviously been going for, and, well…

God, she has a shitty sense of humor _._

Charlotte looked back at Nox and was surprised to see a small but genuine grin on his face. “That is so wrong,” he chided as she handed the photo back, “and you’re smiling at it”?

She shot him an incredulous look, “Seriously”?

The man didn’t even try to hide his amusement as he dropped the report on top of the others. “Anything else I should know about,"?

“Your excessive calling habits are going to kill my snail. Can you tone it down a notch”?

“Only if you pick up the first time.”

She inspected her nails, “I’ll do my best, but selective hearing’s a bitch.”

Nox shot her a dark look, only to cock an eyebrow at something behind her. Charlotte turned and was unsurprised to see a number of his men scrambling to look busy. “Wow,” she said, “I thought I have busybody office mates.”

The commodore clicked his tongue, “I’ll be back. Apparently, I have to remind the children that glass is transparent.”

She waved him off and settled in to watch the show. Nox may act like he’s annoyed, but anyone in their right mind can see he cares for his unit. Likewise, his men absolutely adore him. Over the past few months, it had become comical to watch Nox’s attempts at scolding.

Said unit’s glorious leader was half-heartedly shaking his finger at them when Charlotte’s other snail rang. She answered it immediately, “Intelligence, this is Charlotte.”

A timid voice spoke, “Umm, is this a Miss Charlotte, from Maelstrom base”?

“This is.”

“Umm, my- my name is Elliot. I’m following up with you about the file you requested from my boss.”

It took everything Charlotte had not to frown at the snail. _That fucking asshole. He dumped this on a kid, which has to mean…_

“Nice to speak with you, Elliot. Now, tell me. Did Landon give you this case out of the kindness of his cold, dead heart, or because he’s too scared to tell me he won’t put in the work to get me that file”?

The snail’s jaw dropped, only for a million words to spew out of its mouth, "No, no, it's not like that, Miss Charlotte. He, um, well, he uh, he's busy! Yeah, he's swamped. He said it’s about time I start working on cases and that this would be the perfect starter case—"

Charlotte flipped the snail over before Elliot saw her eye roll. It’s not the kid’s fault his boss is a wuss and complete prick.

The snail continued to word vomit, and Charlotte looked out into the now busy office to lock eyes with Nox. He pointed a finger at his ear, then the snail, before shaking his hand in a “what the fuck,” manner.

She put a finger up to her lips and signaled him to come in. 

Charlotte waited until Nox was leaning against the glass in front of her before interrupting Elliot’s ramblings, “Elliot, _breathe_. What can you tell me about the file”?

The kid finally shut up, and oh fuck, this isn’t going to go well. “Miss Charlotte, umm, I’m sorry to say this, but the file… it’s bare,” he whispered.

“… You want to run that by me one more time”?

The snail’s eyes snapped shut as Elliot repeated, “The report, it’s bare, ma'am," he tacked on as if polite manners would save him.

“How is that _possible_ , Elliot”?

“I’m- I’m not sure, but this report was filed before my transfer here, and I tried looking for the person who submitted the paperwork, but no name is listed on it, and—“

Charlotte swore. How the fuck did this happen, and where is the dumbass that submitted this? 

"—The only information included in the file is the name of the criminal, Ever, and it says she’s associated with the Kid pirates. But, I went digging in our archives and found camera snails linked to the incident she was involved in.”

Now that Charlotte could work with. “Really? Send the files over then.”

There was a long pause. “Elliot, you are going to send them over, right”?

“Umm, yes,"?

Charlotte cocked an eye at the snail, “Why did you phrase that like a question”?

“… Miss Charlotte, I’m so sorry, but the snail shells are completely shattered from the attack, and our audio equipment still hasn’t been replaced, and I don’t know how to help you because I don’t know how to glue them back together,” he finished dejectedly.

Well, fuck. That’s not ideal. But still…

“Don’t feel bad. You have another couple of years before they teach you how to reconstruct transponder shells. Just transfer the custody of the snails to me, and I'll fix them.”

“I- I can do that! There’s a supply ship leaving tomorrow, and if we can get the paperwork filled out tonight, you’ll have them in a couple of weeks.”

“Ask anyone other than Landon to help you fill out the forms, then fax them to me.”

“Yes, Ma’am, I mean Miss. I’ll call you when it’s on its way.”

“Thanks, and Elliot, good job.” _Click!_

Charlotte leaned back in her chair with a sigh and looked up at Nox. As expected, he was not pleased.

“A couple of weeks,” he ground out.

“I know, but it’s better than nothing.”

Nox rounded his desk and grabbed her snail, “Who’s this Landon guy you were talking about? I want to speak to him."

Charlotte couldn’t stop her wicked grin. It’s about time someone other than her called the man on his bullshit. “If you’re asking about his rank, he’s the lead intelligence officer at that base. Personally, I’d consider him the second biggest pain in my ass.” 

Nox slapped a notebook and pen on his desk as the snail continued to ring, “And what, I hold the top spot”?

“Yup,” she said with a pop of her lips, “you should be proud of yourself. Landon’s held that position for years.”

Nox started to say something but stopped when the snail connected to the base’s operator, “Yes, this is Commodore Nox from Maelstrom. Put me through to Officer Landon, please."

Nox was put on hold, and other than the rhythmic tapping of his left index finger, the office was quiet. _This is going to be good. I can’t wait for Nox to rip him a new one, especially since he heard—_

“Charlotte,” the woman started in her chair. He rarely calls her by her name. “When I’m cleared to go after them, I’ll need to know more about them.”

She studied Nox; the hard lines of his face, his near crushing grip on the receiver, and his rapidly tapping finger muted against the desk’s mat. This wasn’t a time for jokes.

“I need you to get me everything on the Kid pirates.”

_… He can’t be serious. Does he know what “everything” entails?_

“Everything, Commodore”?

He met her gaze, his golden eyes flashing with something eerily close to rage. “Everything.”

_Fuck. This is going to be a pain._


End file.
